Like getting a 30 day long, non-stop, bikini wax...

while plucking your fingernails out one at a time (without anesthetic). I honestly can't think of another form of torture worse than that. Except.... Waiting to hear about your court date. It has almost been four months since we saw his face for the first time and I want to be with him. Worry is consuming me. I want to be his Mum. Yesterday! Knowing we could get the court date any day now is torturous. I take the phone to the shower with me. I jump every time it rings. I think about him constantly and about a week or two ago I started dreaming about him - specifically him - with his face and fingers and his wonky legs. That's new. I loved it and never wanted to wake up. But the truth is, once we hear - we will know and all this panic will have been for not. We will be headed to Ethiopia to parent our beautiful son and learn all about his culture. For now, I will continue to occupy my time by conjuring up images of torture worse than this. Perhaps dangling from a 52nd story balcony by my hair....