I understand I owe you all many posts - to include our trip here, our first impressions, our first African sunset, etc. And I will deliver. But I would be remise if I didn't write about the biggest day of our lives - meeting Amanuel today. We woke early with anticipation. It was 5am here and the sun was just up. It meant that we were waking to the day that we would meet our son, which caused my heart to race. But, it also meant we had a whole 5 hours to kill before Girmachew (our agency's driver and paperwork extraordinaire) would be at our place to meet us. It was difficult to fall asleep last night so, the early rise also meant we were tired. So, we set to chipping away at the time by making some breakfast, organizing our treats we wanted to bring for the kids at the orphanage and I tried on every outfit in my closet as I wanted to look my best. We expected Girmachew to be late - we've heard that's his tendency. BUT...... he was 1/2 hour early!! And I ran down to meet him while the others scrambled to get ready for the day. We were able to take some video of the drive there. The drive was about 10 minutes and it was all I could do not to pass out. I was shaking from head to toe (and I noticed a shake in Darryl too). We saw some beautiful views and some real poverty however, none of this moved me in that moment - all I could think about was getting to my son. When we arrived at the orphanage we were told to put the cameras away. Amanuel is not legally ours yet and we are not allowed to get photos of the others either.... so, to our disappointment we do not have one picture of our first meeting. We had to wait for about 10 minutes and then the nurse came to bring us to the baby room. When we walked in the room was quiet with the only babies in there sleeping. Except Amanuel was up, in his nanny's arms, looking very frightened of us. I asked if I could hold him as he clung to his nanny. She told me no. I know why now. This is a child who is very attached to his caregivers. He is shy, quiet and very pensive. Me grabbing on to him sobbing would have scared him and I am thankful for her firmness now. She sat with him on the ground and Darryl sat beside them as Linda, Papa and I observed him play from the chairs nearby. We brought a couple of little gifts for him, which he liked to play with but every time, we made eye contact he cried. My heart broke a little. I knew this wasn't a bad thing - that him being attached to his caregiver was actually amazing. After all, it does mean he is able to form strong bonds. But that was logically, in my head. In my heart, I wanted him to run to me screaming Mommy as he kissed my face. OK, I realize that's a bit much but you get the idea of my heart and head battling in that moment. So, I cried a little until I could talk myself out of it. I cried in that moment for myself because all I wanted was to hold him. I cried for him too because he looked so terrified and genuinely sad and I wanted to take those feelings from him!! WE stayed for two hours. It took Amanuel a long time to open up and even then, he opened up just a little. The caregivers affectionately call him A-mun-ooo and they taught me how to say it. I started to call him that and he loved it. He responded well. After a while, they let the other kids in and this provided a nice distraction for Amunoo. WE took out the stickers we brought and started sticking them on the kids and he watched. He wanted a sticker of his own. I chose the dolphin and put it on his wrist. He took it off, put in on the caregivers face and she put it back on his wrist. Then she told him to "put on mommy" and he did!!! We played back and forth, with Darryl and Linda too. My dad watched the whole time and I kept looking at him while he cried in his chair. Amanuel loves a book. He often put the new toys aside to play with the book. He opened and closed it as I oooed and awed. He would pass it to us, and we would open to a page and oooo and ahhhhh again. It was a fun game and he seemed to open just a little more then. Lunch time came and the nannies left the room to get organized. He cried a little when they left and I just went for it and picked him up to sooth him. He relaxed a little in my arms, and I rocked him slowly. But, Amunoo is a goer and it wasn't long before he was looking for the next thing to do. The nanny brought me the terrible looking ramen noodles cooked into a think paste-like porridge and told me to feed him. Darryl put his bib on, but I don't think he needed it. This is a kid that wants all the food he can get and wouldn't dare waste a bit on spillage. While he sat infront of me and I fed him each spoonful we kept eyecontact the whole time. It was by far the most amazing moment of my life. His eyes are so beautiful and so full of emotion and all my fear melted away. He was mine, I knew it then. But we still had to convince him. Amanoo was falling asleep as I fed him so it was time to say good-bye. I kissed him in his neck and "ate" his arm and he smiled a little and that warmed my heart. We all did it and it was so nice to see him smiling (although he may have been smiling that we were leaving). So, a few things we have come to learn about our Amanuel today: - he is shy but not terribly so - he is cautious and thoughtful - you can see his wheels turning with every move - he has excellent fine motor skills (he was able to pick small stickers from the floor with his pointer and thumb) - he doesn't like fluff - he picked it from the teddies and the Velcro of his new barnyard toy - he walks with determination - but is still wobbly on his feet - he is much, much smaller than he looks in pictures - the boy loves to eat - reaching for the bowl as it came in the room - he can effectively drink from a regular cup all by himself with very little spillage] - he has 10 of the cutest toes and the cutest little but ever - he loves, loves, loves books - those are his "go to" toys - he has the most amazing smile ever!!! - he is quiet - definitely not a babbler but has a "husky" cry - he likes "his" things and was NOT shy about taking them off the other kids - he likes shoes but looks so funny walking in them - he has a big Buddha belly and is small but is one solid kid - so heavy It was hard to leave him but I know now how important transitioning him slowly is. He is so aware. AS we left the babies room we handed out the candy necklaces and the kids LOVED them. The boys tied them around their wrists and the girls around their necks. They spent the next 15 minutes we were there (as we were waiting on Girmachew to return) scrambling to get another ("but I didn't get one" "yes you have 2")So, we left and I slept the minute we got home as I was emotionally exhausted. Linda has a great journal going and wrote in it and Papa and Darryl went on a beer and chip hunt. So, the apartment was quiet (well as quiet as Addis can get.... dogs, goats, kids and diesel engines means that Addis is NEVER quiet by our standards...) This was the scariest, best, most amazing moment of my life and I don't want one detail to go missing. I love you all. Will try to upload the "drive there" video. Andrea